


Tick tock goes the clock

by nicodiver



Series: Life without you [1]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Blood Loss, Broken Bones, Broken Promises, Character Death, Heavy Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Major Character Injury, Men in love, Not A Happy Ending, Poor Will, Post-Episode: s03e13 The Wrath of the Lamb, bird metaphors, even for hannibal, mentioned bedelia - Freeform, reversed roles, someone help hannibal, tick tock goes the clock, will goes mad, will trying to save hannibal, will's trying is not enough
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-02
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 12:04:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4918882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicodiver/pseuds/nicodiver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will washes ashore at an unknown place after the events of "The wrath of the lamb". Almost immediately, he starts a desperate search for Hannibal. Will he arrive in time or will it be too late? Tick tock goes the clock.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LECTERGAY](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LECTERGAY/gifts).



Will crawled the cliff edge, the waves beat hard against him, the sea wanted to claim him, to _own_ him. The stones were so slippery, he could hardly get any grip. The wounds on his body reopened against the sharp edges of stone, pain and fatigue burned in every cell of him, but he could not give up now, he wouldn’t let himself give up. With one last vigorous effort he managed to crawl over the cliff edge. The sea roared after him, it whipped against the sharp edges like an angry monster and tried to reach him where he was laying, panting from exhaustion, but the water didn’t reach him. He was safe for the moment. 

The world spun around him as he lay there, he was filled with emotion he couldn’t explain after the incident with Hannibal on the bluff days ago, he hadn’t had any time to reflect over it, and now exhaustion threatened to take the life out of him. Hannibal... Where was he? Did he also manage to escape the wrath of the sea? Will had dragged him down into the water, at first they had been together but they were separated as a storm rolled in. Will's heart ached with the thought that Hannibal might not be alive anymore. It couldn't be that way. He had to find him. 

Will rested a few minutes, for every minute he rested, he felt the chance of finding Hannibal slipping further away. 

" _I can’t be here any longer. I must go and look for him_ ," he thought, and got up on unsteady legs. 

The pain from all of his wounds cut into him like knives and he screamed. The stab wound in his cheek was full of dirt and gravel from the sea. He spat some of it out before he gathered his last strength and with that he began to look for Hannibal. He couldn’t concentrate on the pain now, he had to find Hannibal.

\--

Hannibal awoke with a dull headache. He tried to take a breath, but instead got a lump of water mixed with blood. It landed on the rocky surface with a disgusting sound. He tried to take another breath, but only more blood and water came out. After the last puke, he could take his first breath and it was a relief.

He took a few more deep breaths before he examined himself for broken bones or other physical damage. Nothing seemed broken, so he rose to the ground on trembling legs, a shot of pain burned through his right leg and he fell back to the ground again. One of bones in his leg was broken. Not good. How could he not have felt it?

He tried to get up again, defying the pain and limped a few steps before he had to rest. The shot wound in his abdomen was bleeding heavily, he had lost much blood. The dizziness and increased heart rate told him.

If he couldn’t stop the bleeding, he was going to be dead soon. The idea of death was sad. He didn’t want to die now when Will finally needed him. Will. Had he survived? Was there anything left of him? He tore off a piece of his shirt and tied it around his stomach, at least it was something to prevent further blood loss. Hannibal's heart ached. Will had to still be alive. He rose again from the rocky, slippery ground and began to limp toward the main land. During the time he was walking, he tried to ignore the sound of blood dripping behind him.

\--

"Hannibal! Can you hear me?" Will cried out into the night. No answer. He only heart the sound of his own wheezing breath and the night’s creaking sound being mixed with the clucking of the ocean. No people, no cars, no civilization nearby. A chance to get saved felt far away, finding Hannibal felt even further away. He hoped with all his soul that he would see Hannibal alive. It was the only thing he wanted right now.

Tiredness took over, he yawned widely and stopped for a moment to rest. The chilly night air mixed with the cold of the sea water that still clung to his clothes made his teeth rattle. He pulled his hands up and down his arms to create heat, but he didn’t think it helped. He longed to know Hannibal's body against his back, the smell of him and the heat radiating from his body... The thought made him smile sheepishly. They had only been so close once, but it had been the best feeling Will ever had known. 

The memory of Hannibal's embrace warmed him and gave him a little more strength to go and searched for him. He coughed and stood up. 

"Hannibal! Hannibal!" He shouted again and again, but received no response. It felt like he had searched for hours when he suddenly heard footsteps behind him. He turned quickly and looked, but no one was there. He had imagined it. "I hope I’m not getting mad," he muttered irritably and sat on the ground. His body couldn’t take any more walking, it was screaming for some rest. 

"Forgive me Hannibal..." he muttered to himself before he fell into the boundless darkness of sleep.

\--

Hannibal woke up, the sun stinging like burning coals in his eyes, he hid his face with his arm and got a little shade. The headache had gone from dull to sharp throbbing. Nausea reared up in his throat and he vomited loudly beside him. Hannibal closed his eyes to try to edge out the dizziness, but when he opened his eyes again it came back worse than before. He took his pulse, his heart rate was elevated, but his pulse was weak. A new sign of increased blood loss. He looked down at the cloth he had tied around the wound, even though he had tied it well, the blood had still gone through it and it was still pumping out of him. There was no ending to it.

Hannibal angrily snapped his jaw together and hit the ground hard with his fist. Why did this have to happen now? He was happy that Will hadn’t been shot, Will was smaller than him and would probably not have survived as long as him though why did he had to bleed so much? Had Francis really been that good of a shooter?

_Will..._

Was this karma? Was this his punishment for those he had murdered? He had got Will’s acknowledgment but now he wasn’t able to share it with him… 

_Life sucks and then you die._

Hannibal chuckled. God was an unforgivable creature.

\---

Will sat up with a jerk. The sun was going down to the horizon, a few herons flapped into the sky as he stood up. How long had he slept?! He felt thirst tearing his throat, he hadn’t drunk anything since those are gulps of wine he had together with Hannibal a few days ago. If he did not get water soon, he would probably die, but it was more important to find Hannibal than finding water. Hannibal first, then water. He felt at least more alert now than before. The wounds after the battle had stopped bleeding and his head felt clearer. Sleep could do wondrous things.

\---

He rose painfully from the ground, the sun shone brightly and sweat began to pour from his skin. It felt like that he had walked forever when he finally came to a small road. If he followed the path he would certainly go past a few houses, but then maybe he missed Hannibal along the way. Where could Hannibal possibly go? Would he go inland or stay by the sea? Would he go to cities or stay away from them? Given the circumstances, they were probably wanted by the entire state police force. Hannibal would thus stay away from even the smallest way and he should do it too. Will turned back the way he had come, he believed anyway. He kept going and going until the thirst grew stronger and his throat drier. He must have something to drink, now.

\---

Will looked around him, all he saw were rocks and the sea, no forest in sight. He searched like a bloodhound after water from the pits in the rocky ground and saw something that glittered in the sunlight. He hurried his way over there, dropped down on his knees in front of the small pool and cupped his hands in the small amount of water remaining after today's blazing sun. It tasted muddy, but he drank it anyway. It was lovely and cooling. The water made his head even clearer and he felt even stronger than before. 

With renewed energy, he continued to look for Hannibal. He called out his name again and again, and with every syllable he lost hope that he would ever find him. He didn’t which island or country they’d washed upon, but at least he was sure they were still in the United States. He knew he was anyway... Hannibal had probably washed up somewhere else. If the ocean hadn’t taken him… Goose bumps spread across his arms, he shook his head at himself and his eternal hopelessness. "Do not think like that Will!" he said loudly and firmly to himself.

Hannibal was alive, he knew it, he would find him. He would find him no matter what.

"Hannibal!" he roared, the cry was swallowed by a strong wind that reeked of vomit and blood. Hannibal, was Will's first thought when he smelled it, he followed the smell like a predator after a wounded prey.

"Hannibal, I’m coming for you!" he screamed and went forward where the wind carried him.

\---

The scent of snow and pine trees caressed Hannibal's mind, it was the smell of Will. Had he finally found Will? He didn’t remember, his mind was so dull now, the otherwise very intelligent and quick mind had been taken over by a thick fog that Hannibal could not tear himself away from. Suddenly he was inside his mind palace. He saw Will sitting opposite him, leaning back in the chair. They were in Hannibal's office. Will had just told him about his nightmares, the gears of Hannibal's head was spinning frantically while he was figuring out a good answer. It seemed like Will was scared and a little shaken by the nightmares he had. Hannibal wanted to comfort him and tell him that everything would be fine, but he couldn’t break his image. Besides, he didn’t believe Will wanted to be comforted by him. It was a sad feeling, but it was something he had to accept. Will not wanting him the same way he wanted Will.

Will dropped down on his knees beside Hannibal's seemingly lifeless body. Next to him was a greyish-red pile of vomit, it stank but Will didn’t care about the smell.

The only thing he focused on now was to save Hannibal who lay dying next to him. Hannibal's skin was white, his lips were colored blue and his breathing weak. His right leg had a weird position. It looked like it was broken.

Will pressed his fingers against Hannibal's neck, he looked for a pulse and found it. It was fast and weak. He was alive, but barely. The shot wound from Francis gun looked horribly, it was bound with a piece of Hannibal's shirt, but it wasn’t enough, the blood was stilling leaking out. Will tore off a piece of his clothing and pressed it desperately against the wound.

Memories of the two times he had tried to save Abigail popped up in front of his retina, blood pumping out of her throat, it never stopped, the life in her eyes faded and she was gone. Blood continued to throb out of her seconds after her death. Will bit his lips so hard that blood filled his mouth, the memory images disappeared and he was back in reality.

Hannibal's gaze flickered under the eyelids, for a breath, it seemed that he was going to wake up, but no. His eyelids remained closed. Will continued to press hard against the wound until it finally stopped bleeding, no more blood leaked out from it. Will took a breathing pause for a second and tried to remember what to do when a person showed symptoms of hypovolemic shock.

In his younger years, he had wanted to become a doctor and so, he had read lots of books on various medical conditions, how to do CPR and tons of other medical related stuff. Why was it so hard to remember what he needed the most now?! He knew that he had read about the state Hannibal had right now, but he couldn’t remember anything except trying to stop the blood flow.

\--

Panic began growing inside him when he noticed that Hannibal's life was disappearing from him. He couldn’t lose Hannibal now. Not now when they had just become equals. Not now, when they shared the same mutual feelings for each other. Suddenly it hit him: 

_"Call 911, while waiting, place the person in a stretched out position with his or her feet raised about thirty centimeters in the air. Remove any dirt from the injured spot but do not take any eventual objects away from the wound. Keep the person warm."_

Will took off his shirt and put it over Hannibal to give him some warmth, then he gently pulled Hannibal’s legs to a straight position, hoping that Hannibal didn’t feel too much pain in the broken bone and lifted them up to what he assumed was thirty centimeters. He prayed to all the gods in existence that someone would come by and help them, that he and Hannibal would go through this and continue their life together, that this was not the end. "Will ... Is that you?" Hannibal's voice was a gift from heaven. Tears burned at the corners of Will’s eyes. 

"Hannibal, it's me, I'm here with you," Will replied, his voice thick with emotion. Hannibal gave him a faint smile, his eyes were full of never-ending love for the man next to him.

"My dear Will..." he whispered softly and coughed, a streak of blood ran down the corner of his mouth. The blood was black in the cold moonlight. Will felt split in two, he wanted to embrace Hannibal, every fiber in his body was screaming for it but at the same time, he had to stay here and keep up Hannibal's feet while waiting for the rescue to come. If it would come. "I felt the scent of snow and pine trees, I knew it was you who was coming. Your smell is so beautiful Will," Hannibal's voice was wheezy and watery, as if he was gurgling after brushing his teeth. More black blood came up through his mouth, his chin and lips were painted black.

Hannibal's chest heaved up and down while he tried to breathe, even more blood made its way through his lips. Soon, it would suffocate him completely. Will knew that Hannibal was lost to Death’s black hands, but he couldn’t bring himself to think of it, to express it, while a small glimmer of hope still remained within him, someone might come soon to this particular cliff and see that there were two injured people who needed help. He strongly believed in it.

"Will... Please, hold me... I'm already lost, there is... Nothing... You can do..." Hannibal wheezed, before another black lump of blood pushed itself through his mouth. It was as if death itself had built a nest inside of him, it had lured there all the time and now it was pushing itself out from Hannibal, to show him that it finally had the power over him.  
  
"Don’t say that Hannibal. Just... Don’t do it," Will replied sadly and stroked the small piece of skin that he could touch underneath the torn trousers. His skin was clammy, nothing like the warm, soft skin Will had touched, just a few days ago. Some tears made their way down Will’s cheeks. It burned in the wound on his cheek of the sudden salt touching it, the lump in his throat grew larger when he saw that Hannibal was crying too. This cold man Will had gotten to know showed his first real human emotion, a few couple of tears adorned Hannibal’s cheeks. Will had never seen anything more beautiful.  
  
"Please, Will... I beg you, come here and hold me," Hannibal pleaded between sobs that made his whole body quiver. Wills cells roared to comfort and care for the injured and bleeding bird that lay before him. He released Hannibal's legs gently, putting them carefully on the ground before he crawled next to Hannibal and turned his trembling body softly against his.

Hannibal huddled next to Will's warm body, dug his face into Will's chest as Will had done the night on the bluff. It felt like an eternity ago.

Will pulled Hannibal's scent into his lungs, wished and hoped that he would forever remember his scent and burned this moment into his memory bank. A moment later, Will felt Hannibal beginning to breathe unevenly against his chest. The end was near.

\--

Hannibal was fully content next to Will's chest. There was nothing more he wanted than this. It was as if the incident on the rock was played over again, as if someone had pressed replay. At this moment, their roles were reversed, now it was Hannibal who was weak and in need of Will, while Will was the strong who protected him against the dangers of the world. Will was the psychiatrist who soothed him, made his worst fears disappear with soothing words and a smile.  
  
_Tick tock goes the clock_  
  
"I love you, Will”, he whispered next to Will’s chest.

\-- 

The words Hannibal had uttered sunk into him. He absorbed them, tasted them and burned them into his memory bank. 

"I love you too, Hannibal," he whispered against the silvery hair that tickled his skin. He felt Hannibal smile upon his chest, he could see it in front of him; Hannibal smiling that pure and clean smile which made his eyes crinkle. The most beautiful smile Will had ever seen.

He smiled himself, pulling Hannibal even closer. The moon was clouded, the world around them was painted black and Will could no longer see Hannibal's body as clearly. He heard Hannibal draw a trembling breath when his heart started beating even weaker against Will's chest, the heartbeat turned uneven and staggering.

Will thought of the bird Bedelia had talked about in her metaphor and how much it reminded of Hannibal's heartbeat. The bird in Hannibal's chest continued to flutter a few moments later, trying to try its wings but it wasn't strong enough. It fell down and its fragile wings stopped fluttering. The bird turned quiet and Will heard one last breath from his lover. He was now alone with a dead bird in his arms.


	2. Chapter 2

The sun's rays touched the edge of the cliff where Will was sleeping beside Hannibal's body in a locked embrace. His breath was heavy in Hannibal's hair. His brow furrowed as the warm rays caressed his face. He smiled softly,

"Cool down Hannibal, you are way too hot," he joked, opened his eyes and saw Hannibal's lifeless body beside him, the usually vivid dark brown eyes were glassy and almost completely covered by a white fog. His face was rigid, expressionless. The skin had turned darker because of the solidifying blood.

Will tried to swallow the lump that grew in his throat, he stretched his hand towards Hannibal's face and closed the eyelids over those staring eyes. His hands trembled violently, tears burned in his eyes, threatening to spill out. Will let out a heartbreaking sob, grabbed Hannibal tightly and hugged him while sobs shook his body.

"The world isn’t beautiful without you, Hannibal," he whimpered despairingly against Hannibal's silent chest.

The world was so cruel, so ruthless. Will was alone, he had to stand on his own, but how could he do that without Hannibal in his life? How could he be without the man who had really seen him for who he was? How could he live without the man who had seen the most darkest parts of him and accepted it without further consideration? Loving him, despite his weaknesses…

"I don’t know how I will cope without you," he whispered into Hannibal’s soft hair. He laughed quietly to himself. It was his fault that Hannibal had died, it was he who had dragged Hannibal down the cliff. How was he going to continue living with himself and the guilt that was already eating bits of him?

Will’s tears dripped down into Hannibal's hair, they blazed like stars in the morning sunlight. Hannibal was so beautiful, the most beautiful person Will had met... And now he was gone. Will would never see Hannibal's face light up every time he saw Will. Never again feel Hannibal's gaze on him. Never again feel his warm hands, skin, never again hear his voice... And everything was his fault.

A big gaping hole opened inside Will. He knew that it would never close, it would remain open and bleeding as long as he would remain in this world.

He saw how the sun climbed the sky and the world lost all color in front of his eyes. He was alone and it was his fault that the bird had crashed to the ground and died.

-

"Mister? Are you okay? Mister?” An old person’s voice pulled Will out of the soothing, dreamless sleep he’d found himself in. He opened his eyes, dragged back into reality. Hannibal was still safely lying next to his body. No one besides himself had touched him. Good.

Will turned toward the voice and looked at the old woman who stood a few meters away from them.

She looked really frightened and she started screaming when she saw Will's wounded cheek.

"Please... Don’t do that," he pleaded, his voice was only a hoarse whisper. The lady’s eyes were wide, she looked terrified, and the little dog she had with her barked angrily.

"If you’re not here to do anything meaningful, you can just go," Will hissed angrily to the lady. She had stopped screaming and was just limp, looking at Hannibal who Will still hugged tightly.

"Is the", the old lady swallowed, looking even more frightened, "the gentleman you're holding in your arms dead or is he sleeping?" she asked sheepishly, she lifted the little dog in her arms and ran her fingers anxiously through its fur.

The word, dead, made the hole in Will’s chest burn painfully. Will gasped from the pain and pushed Hannibal's lifeless body even closer to him. Hannibal remained stiff, unmoving.

“Go away! We don’t need your help!” he screamed furiously at the lady. Her dog continued to bark loudly and growled.

"I'll call the police!" the lady threatened suddenly, and dialed the number on her phone she’d fished out of her jacket pocket.

"No!" Will shouted and rose hastily from the ground and tried to drag Hannibal with him to wherever he was going. He couldn’t let the police catch them, if he did, they would take Hannibal away from him. He needed to hide somewhere where the police couldn’t find him. He collected every ounce of energy he had left and carried Hannibal’s limp body over his back, he only managed to walk a few meters before his still exhausted body gave in and he tumbled to the ground. Hannibal fell beside him, a small amount of black blood leaking from his head.

Will scrambled from the ground into sitting position, breathing heavily as he put Hannibal’s head in his lap.

“I’m sorry I hurt you”, he whispered and kissed Hannibal’s forehead, his lips became painted with black blood. It tasted like death.

Will shook his head, still in denial as he hugged Hannibal, rocking him and humming a lullaby as if the man was sleeping.

“I love you”, he whispered repeatedly into Hannibal’s silver hair as police sirens shrieked, erasing the quiet that once had been.

-

Jack Crawford went back and forth in front of Will's prison cell. The man inside was different. Sure, almost getting killed from a mad man and then thrown down a cliff would change anyone, but it was something that was completely off with Will. The light had disappeared from his eyes and it was not because of his dehydration or that his body was seriously bruised and thinner than Jack had ever seen it. There was something else, something that had simply disappeared from him. Like a piece of his soul was gone.

Was it because of Hannibal's dead body? Jack hadn’t looked at the body yet or been at the site where they’d found the pair. Though, he had heard that Will had been shrieking and thrashing like a mad man when they’d removed Hannibal’s body from him. He wanted to know why. He hoped Will would open up soon and tell him.

-

Will stared at the woman who stood outside his cell, watching over him. Alana Bloom. Her usually long hair was now cut short, she looked younger and more beautiful. A gold ring adorned her finger. The hole in his chest grew larger and hurt at the sight of it. Maybe he would've had one of those rings if Hannibal hadn’t…He didn’t think of the word. It was too much. Hannibal wasn’t… He was still alive, right? He wasn’t sure. The uncertainty made him worried.

"Will," his name on her tongue sounded strange. It didn’t belong to her. Her voice distorted it and made it into something ugly. She looked anxiously at him, curling her fingers as she sat on a chair in front of the jail cell bars.

Will curled up on the uncomfortable bed in the corner of the cell, looked away from the woman outside and looked up at the ceiling. Imagined that the full moon glinted down at him through the roof, Hannibal stood before him on the edge of the cliff with his eyes resting on him, waiting... The blood on Will's hands and arms glistened black in the light of the full moon.

_It really does look black in the moonlight._

Hannibal took his hand in his and pulled him close.

_See? This is all I wanted for you Will. For the both of us._

Will looked up at him and smiled, understanding for the first time what Hannibal's world was really like.

_It's beautiful._

"Will? Please, talk to me,” Alana’s voice made the illusion disappear. He felt the pain from the gaping hole, he drew a breath and tried to replay the scene on the bluff, but it didn't work. Alana’s voice continued to bother him.

Anger flared within him. Why couldn’t he just be left alone?! He jumped out of bed, strode toward the cage bars and just stood there, staring at Alana.

-

She didn’t recognize the man who stood before her. It was not the Will she had come to know, this was a different man. He was almost like a mirror image of Hannibal. Will looked as frigid and had the same cold eyes. The only thing that separated them was that Alana could literally feel the anger radiating from Will.

"Will, I'm just trying to talk to you. You are not like you used to be. You haven’t talked in a day now and it scares me. What happened up there on the cliff anyway?" Alana asked anxiously. She hadn’t meant to let her emotions control her but it was so hard not to do it when Will was so far away from himself.

Will’s facial expression was confused for a mere second before he just stared at her without saying anything. He turned away and went back to bed and curled up into a ball. He imagined that Hannibal was next to him, holding him and hushing him to sleep.

-

"Hannibal died of hypovolemic shock and internal bleeding. We have identified the bullet which remained in his abdomen. It came from Francis Dolarhyde gun and we all know what happened to him", Jimmy said with a shrug.

"Yes we do...," Jack sighed where he stood leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. Hannibal's body lay in the middle of the room naked and bare. The man was almost more frightening in death than alive. The body was stiff, his face was doll-like – frozen.

"We have also found Will Graham's DNA in his hair, on his hands and chest. It seems that they..." Brian was silent for a moment. "Cuddled with each other," he added quietly, looking away from the body, as if the sight of Hannibal’s dead body pained him.

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Cuddled with each other?" He snorted with laughter tickling in his throat.

_God save me..._

"Yes, it seems like it. We also found Will’s lip print on Hannibal’s forehead, he kissed him there. Obviously," added Jimmy whilst looking at the body with an empty expression.

"What about Will, anyway?" he wondered.

Jack glanced at the two men standing on each side of the table.

"I don't know. He haven't said a word to me since we brought him in. It’s as if he is caught in a fog of some sort. He is not like himself at all. Alana tried to talk to him, but she said it's like talking to a wall. He is not there," he said with a heavy voice, closing his eyes for a moment.

Jimmy nodded slowly.

“I heard that he was screaming when the police took Hannibal’s body away from him. What even happened back there?” he added, looking seriously worried.

“I don’t know Jimmy, I don’t know…” Jack sighed.

"What will you do with him? Arrest him for causing the death of another? Conspiracy with suspected criminal? Are you going to imprison him again in Baltimore State Hospital for the criminally insane?” Brian suddenly asked.

"I don’t know Brian. We need to get something out of him before we can decide what to do with him. So we'll see," Jack said firmly, and pulled the sheet over Hannibal's body, hiding it from unwelcome eyes.


End file.
